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5 Ways to Guarantee Failure

Train wreck at Montparnasse Station, at Place ...

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Hi all!

Today, I’ll give you five tips on how to set yourself up to fail.

Tip #1: Never use comments.

As any professional failure will tell you, comments are overrated.  They make code clearer, help others understand the code, and add a whole bunch of green to your code.  Ick!

Tip #2: Give your variables meaningless names.

You can save a lot of time by forgetting descriptive names like NumberOfWheelsOnTrain and using something like varnowotint instead.  If you must use sensible names, try to misspell the word, like this: NumbberrUvWeeelzOnnDuhTwain This method can also give you a lot of fun when you see the other members of the team trying to make out what on earth that name means.  But you can remember what it means, can’t you?

Tip #3: Avoid #Region statements at all costs.

If you ever have tried using a #Region statement, you know what I mean.  They make things easy to find, meaning that you can save hours of time.  And it’s hard not to be productive with that much extra time on your hands.

Tip #4: Jam all of your code together.

Sadly, many good programmers have recently adapted the method of adding empty lines between sections of code.  It artificially inflates the number of lines in your code, not to mention that it makes your code easy to read.  And easy to read code = more productivity.  And more productivity means less money for your work, now doesn’t it?

Tip #5: Forget IDEs

Just by taking this one step, you can spend hours of time just trying to find one teeny little bug.  And if you spend more time on bug fixing instead of actual work, you increase your chance of failure!

If you just take these five easy steps, you will be able to fail more easily than ever before.

Hope you learned something, and I’ll see you soon!

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